


we are so lonely in this part of town (pour que l'orage s'annonce)

by Evanaissante



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Case Fic, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-05 00:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20480249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanaissante/pseuds/Evanaissante
Summary: “Well, that’s sinister, isn’t it?” Dirk breathes out, “I mean, a mysterious door at the end of a dark corridor at a crime scene? That doesn’t make me feel very safe.”“Safe isn’t a word I would associate to what we do,” Todd laughs.It starts with Bart, an empty Capri-Sun and the warning that the Universe wants to kill Dirk's best friend.It ends with said best friend getting shot and suits made of human skin.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!  
i'm really happy and excited to share this story with you all. this is the first dirk gently fanfic i've ever written (but probably not the last) english isn't my first language so i hope i got rid of all the mistakes and typos but if you find any, please let me know. the fic is 75% finished but i’m losing inspiration and i’m hoping that feedback will give that back to me.
> 
> as for a few notes :  
\- the title is from the song st claude by christine and the queens (the song used in the last episode of season 1 before dirk gets taken by friedkin).  
\- the story follows canon, so everything happens after the end of season 2, meaning bart was left in blackwing, amanda is with the rowdy 3, and our trio now runs the agency.  
\- in my mind todd and amanda are jewish and i wrote them as so  
\- i made a playlist of this story on spotify (because i like music when i'm writing) so i'm just going to share it [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/5db1w65d5ik20w58l2am6uzgu/playlist/4Gt15bDcodLcN573L7FPsv?si=YD4e0pbbRwqJYllcbv_xPg)
> 
> i think that's all i have to say right now, i hope you'll enjoy the first chapter!

The first sign Dirk receives that the Universe is against him this time is Bart, who he hasn’t seen in about a year but who greets him like they drink tea together every two weeks, knocking at the agency’s door, covered from head to toe in blood.

There’s a moment of panic when she lunches at him, then some fondness, because even though he will always be slightly terrified of her, she’s maybe, Mona not included, the closest thing he has to a sibling. Then there’s disgust because he’s pretty sure the squishy thing on her jacket is guts and she’s covering his white shirt, and probably a part of his tie as well, with it. The final emotion is confusion, because where the hell has she been and why on Earth is she here, in Seattle, rubbing little parts of dead people on him?

“Bart?” He struggles to say, still a little scared she’ll pull out a gun and shoot him with no warning. “Bart, are you okay?”

She stops hugging him, because that’s definitely what that was, and she looks straight into his eyes with an almost mournful expression. 

“Had to shoot Ken.” She croaks, her voice even rougher than the last time he heard her like she’d scream herself hoarse or stopped talking for months.

“Ken, your friend Ken? The one who came to the Spring Mansion with you and fixed the time machine? That friend Ken?”

She shrugs a little, “I don’t know if he was my friend,” and Dirk doesn’t know if he could handle a crying Bart but he might need to prepare himself for it if the sad gleam in her eyes turns to tears. “He was with Mr Priest,” at the name, Dirk freezes. “He said he wanted to know how I worked, how all of this worked.” She explains, pointing at the two of them and the rest of the apartment, which probably represents the Universe. “I told him he wouldn’t understand, but he wanted to try anyway, and he started to act less like my friend.”

She looks disappointed in a way he can’t entirely explain, he’s mildly aware that Bart had been just as friendless as he was for years, if not for more, and that Ken had been the first person to stick around for a while, there’s grief there but Dirk doesn’t know if she’s grieving his death or his loss of interest in their relationship. He won’t ask, it’s not the moment and he doesn’t think Bart would know how to answer anyway.

“He was with Blackwing.” He says, and the word weighs his tongue and bathes his mouth with bitterness. 

She nods and moves towards his couch, thankfully in leather, before sitting legs crossed on it, with her hands supporting her chin. He never noticed how small she looks when she isn’t armed, how young she is under all that dirt and that blood.

“I didn’t know where to go.” Her eyes close for a second, “I asked the Universe where I should go, who I should shoot next and it gave me a name.”

She pushes her left hand in one of her pockets and pulls out a wrinkled piece of paper that she immediately thrusts towards Dirk, who accepts it and slowly flattens it.

It’s an advert for a 2009 concert, the colours are faded and the pictures are quite dark from some sort of past Grunge filter, but Dirk instantly recognizes the person on it and the name written underneath.

“No.” He whispers, straightening the paper over and over again in hope that the picture will change, that the words written on it will form other ones under his fingertips. “I don’t even understand how you could have found this, it makes no sense, there’s no way people still give out these, it’s just not possible.”

“It flew from a music store.” Bart replies, “You know, the ones with the big boom boom machines?” She smiles a little, “It just flew out of one while the door was open and fell in front of me.”

“No,” Dirk repeats, his head already spinning with the realization of what she’s telling him. “No, no, no, the Universe wanted us to meet, wanted him to stay with me.” He looks up to Bart, voice breaking a little, “The Universe can’t take him back!”

Under his thumb, a picture of a twenty-six-year-old Todd Brotzman is singing to his heart’s content with no idea that the Universe has him on his Most Wanted list.

* * *

“I don’t want to shoot him,” Bart announces while Dirk paces frenetically. “You like him.” She looks thoughtful for a second. “He’s your Ken, but he didn’t go with Mr Priest, so he didn’t become  _ not  _ your friend.” She seems satisfied with her explanation. “He’s still your Ken, I don’t want to shoot your Ken.”

“Will you have a choice?” Dirk asks, he can barely feel his limbs, he knows he’s been walking in circles for the past ten minutes, and he knows that he’s probably moving his arms way too much, but he can’t stop himself. The Universe wants Todd to die, the Universe had given him a friend, someone who followed him, who worked with him and who sighed but still smiled when Dirk did something ridiculous, and now the Universe wants to take him. The Universe is basically telling him “ _ Hey, you had your toy for long enough, now I’m putting it away. _ ”

“I can try,” Bart tells him. He gave her a Capri Sun because he loves them so he thought she might too, and he was right, she’s already had three and she also ate some party mix, the one with the pieces of bretzels Dirk keeps for when Amanda comes around. “I didn’t shoot that lady with the shapes, and I didn’t shoot you the second time. Or the times after. I’m still not shooting you now!”

He wants to tell her that killing Suzie Boreton might have been better in that case, but he also doesn’t want her to accept the Universe’s idea of killing Todd, he doesn’t want to do anything that might put his friend’s life in danger, more than it already is.

A frightening thought quickly fills his already too crowded mind, what if this was always planned? What if this was Todd’s destiny all along? Did the Universe set a timer on Todd Brotzman’s life that started when Dirk broke into his apartment? Is Todd a bomb, and is Dirk the detonator?

He needs to sit down.

“You don’t look good,” Bart says as she presses an almost empty Capri Sun in his hand. “I promised that I wouldn’t shoot your Ken, why aren’t you smiling?”

Dirk pushes the sharp straw of the juice in his mouth, absently sucking some liquid as the holistic assassin keeps talking. He knows, deep down, that none of this is her fault, she’s only the Universe’s messenger in all of this, she’s not the killer, she’s the gun and he hates this traitorous feeling of animosity gets by just looking at her. She doesn’t  _ want  _ to kill Todd, she’s only following the flow of the Universe, just as he does, but he’s never the one in this position of power, he’s always the one bleeding and hurt.

He doesn’t want Todd to ever be in this position, not when he’s already suffered so much by staying with him. He remembers, with some anguish, that he had promised Todd that they would be rewarded for the hard work, that Todd’s life would finally make sense. That was a lie then, another one in the long list of Dirk’s mistakes. There was no compensation for the Lydia Spring case, he had been shot, Todd had been electrocuted, then Blackwing had happened and Todd had gained pararibulatis has a sweet bonus.

Farah had lost all her money, then her dad. Amanda had been kidnapped, Hobbs had been shot, Tina as well and now apparently Bart had been kept in a cell for over a year by a man she considered a friend.

The Universe didn’t care about retribution and fairness, Dirk had always known that abstractedly, he could only keep his optimism for a certain period of time before going crazy when nothing seemed to go his way. But, he had wanted to believe that the wind would blow his way, that Todd was the proof that his world didn’t have to be bleak forever, that he could have a semblance of happiness, if not normality. 

He’d been wrong.

“Even if you don’t kill him.” He starts, cutting Bart in a monologue about the deceit of fruity shampoos, “Something else will. The Universe wants him out of my life, so it will take him away.”

“Wait a minute, I didn’t say that-”

“But it’s pretty clear, isn’t it?” It isn’t a rhetorical question. “If it’s not a bullet from your gun, it’ll be a swarm of bees, or a piano falling from a window.” Dirk didn’t notice it at first, but he was shaking, and his voice was getting louder with each word. “Every person I have ever met has either died, gotten hurt or grown to despise me. Of course, Todd couldn’t be different.” He presses his palms against his eyes, refusing to cry while sitting on a couch with Bart holding a bowl of party mix. “I was a fool to believe otherwise.”


	2. chapter one

Dirk has a few options from there, and absolutely none he likes. The first one is to lock Todd in a room with absolutely no sharp objects. With Farah, they’d bring Todd some food every day and maybe a book or some sort of _ safe _entertainment. This idea gets a six out of ten, mostly because Dirk is certain Todd would never stay in the room and would find a way to get out.

The second one is to move, with Todd of course, to some remote forest. They’d live in a very picturesque cabin and Dirk would do all the work, like cut wood and hunt some rabbits because the Universe could hurt Todd if he ever came too close to an axe. That one gets a seven, he doesn’t absolutely dislike the idea of living in some rustic chalet with Todd, but he’d be terrible at any manual activity, and he would never be able to kill a bunny, nor a fish, or anything living, if he was being honest. And they would eventually starve to death or poison themselves by mistaking blueberries with pokeweed or juniper.

The third one is the one he likes the least, it gets a full-on zero out of ten, but it might be the only sustainable one and the only one that might actually work. He could leave Todd, he could move back to England, or somewhere else, somewhere where his friends, because he’s sure Farah would come too, wouldn’t think of searching. He hates this plan with such intensity that thinking about it makes him almost physically ill, but there is a good chance that if he’s no longer part of Todd’s life, then any threat or danger that might put an end to his best friend’s existence will simply follow him and leave Todd alone.

Dirk knows that if Todd had any implication in these plans, he’d want to fight it, to find a way to defeat the Universe, because that’s what Todd does. But Dirk has known the Universe for far longer, and if there is one thing the Universe never does, it’s losing.

He has to leave, that’s his only choice.

He plans to pack the little belongings he has on the next Monday, it’s paperwork day at the agency, meaning Farah and Todd won’t be surprised to not see him in the morning, and by the time they’ll understand that he’s not late but gone, he’ll be on a plane for Toliara in Madagascar. It’s 10,5894079 miles away from Seattle, and if Google isn’t lying to him, it’s the farthest city from where Todd will be.

The thought of oceans separating them makes Dirk’s heart ache in a way it has never before, it slowly breaks him, like a can you crush in your hand once it’s empty. And that’s what he feels like, empty, and this time, he knows it’s permanent. He won’t have a second Todd, or a second Farah, a second agency, a second life that makes him feel like a human, like Dirk Gently and not _ Project Icarus _.

He writes a letter on Wednesday because he knows that if he waits he won’t be able to address the most important things. He has so much to say, so many memories he wants to tell so that Todd knows that every single one mattered more than actual words could describe. He has secrets, ones he thought he’d have the time to confess, a past he wanted to share, but he only has two pages of paper and blue ink that could never draw the entire picture.

He writes down the lies first, he makes a list but adds no excuse, it’s way too late for that. Then he explains why he has to leave, it’s not an excuse either, but he wants Todd to understand that it’s for his safety, that if he wants to live, he won’t follow. He _ can’t _follow this time. When there’s only a little space left, he writes one truth, the most crucial one, and he signs Dirk Gently.

He hides the letter between the cushions of his sofa, nobody ever sits on his sofa, mostly because no one ever comes to his apartment. They usually meet up at the agency or at Todd’s, Bart was the first one in a long time to have visited his home. Because that’s the problem, it’s not really his home. When he thinks of his home, he thinks of the agency’s soft blue chair Farah had picked up for him, or he thinks of Todd’s newly painted walls and the picture of them all, Rowdies included, that sits just above the TV.

How will he ever make a new home, if his home is not a place, but people?

That doesn’t matter, he tells himself, all of this is for Todd. There’s no place for selfishness, no time for thoughts of anyone but Todd, and if he never finds a new home, then he’ll live knowing Todd is at least safe. He can’t beat the Universe, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try.

* * *

His plans are, however, slightly put to the test when a client suddenly appears in their office on Wednesday night. Dirk had shown up, only to keep up appearances, even if he can tell that Todd knows something isn’t normal in the way he speaks, but he hadn’t really assumed that a new investigation would pop up so close to his escape to Madagascar.

Their client’s name is Lucia, she greets them by saying she’s twenty-five, which tells them quite easily that she’s probably under eighteen and that if a teenager comes to a holistic detective agency, something must be very _ very _wrong.

“A friend told me you could help,” Lucia says, brown eyes a little wide and hands twisting. “Actually, not really a friend, I looked you up and the Internet said you were the one who solved the murder of Patrick Spring? I don’t actually know, maybe I should be here, this is stupid.”

“Okay, breathe.” Farah tells her as Todd makes her sit down, “And start with the beginning.”

The girl can barely contain herself, the words fly out of her mouth like caged birds desperate to evade. “You see, my parents died when I was very little, they were in a car accident, and so it was just me, my grandma and my sister, Jimena.” She accepts the water Todd gives her eagerly and takes a big gulp. “And my grandma, she has the little corner shop in Lake City, it’s like a bodega, but not really a bodega, right? Because we sell fresh vegetables that my grandma grows in our garden, and homemade chilli paste, some pastries, so really, it’s nothing like a bodega, I don’t know why I used that word.”

“Lucia,” Todd whispers and Dirk seems him gently place a hand on the girl’s shoulder, “You’re okay, you can calm down.” He smiles, the type of smile he only gives Amanda, the fond, but somehow melancholic one, “We’re here.”

Lucia’s eyes suddenly fill with big tears, ones she must try very hard to keep locked away, the kind that covers your cheeks and make your entire face turn red with the power of your sobs. Dirk cried a lot of those tears.

“My sister, she’s a good person,” Lucia assures, she’s holding Todd’s hand now, who seems to be the only one not entirely uncomfortable with that display of pure sadness. “She would have never done that, I swear.”

“Done what?” Dirk asks because now he can feel the Universe’s pull, there’s something definitely wrong with Lucia’s sister. “What has Jimena done?”

“Nothing!” Lucia cries harder, “They said her prints were everywhere, that there was her DNA on the knife, but she was with me when it happened, it can’t be her!”

“DNA? Prints? Knife? What happened, did she kill someone?”

“Dirk.” He hears Todd warn, but he still presses.

“Lucia, it’s very important that you tell me everything single thing you know if you want me to help your sister.”

The girl stares at him, cheeks flushed with grief. She opens her mouth a few times, but she can’t seem to get the words out of her mouth. She shakes her head, her long curly hair sticking to her wet face.

“Dirk, Farah, could you leave us for a second?” It’s Todd “_ I got this _” voice, and Dirk doesn’t look back when Farah pushes him in the other room.

“Well,” Farah announces, “That looks like a case.”

Dirk nods, “Yes, and a real one. Not just another chase after unfaithful spouses and their lovers.”

“Maybe you’ll stop being so odd now that the Universe gave us some work.” 

Dirk looks at her, blinking with confusion. “Odd?”

“_ Odder _.” Farah explains, “Todd says you’ve barely talked to him since this weekend. You don’t answer his texts, but your reply to mine. You cancelled our weekly movie and pizza marathon and you didn’t want to go to the bar.”

“Bars aren’t my scene, you know.”

“You didn’t want to go to the bar,” She repeats, “While Tina and Hobbs were in town.”

“I was tired.”

“And for the movie-pizza marathon?”

“Stomach bug.”

“And the stomach bug kept you from texting Todd?”

“No signal.”

“_ Dirk _.”

He sighs, letting his head hit the wall a little, of course, his two best friends would have noticed that something was weird, _ weirder _ than usual. But he couldn’t possibly tell Farah that the Universe basically wanted Todd buried six feet underground and that he had to leave as soon as this case was solved. That’s not exactly the time of thing you say to a friend while waiting for a painful confession from a witness, customarily you talk about the weather or some other banality that normal, _ sane _people find interesting.

“Is this about,” Farah starts, seemingly embarrassed, “You know, about Todd?”

Dirk frowns, “What about Todd?” She can’t conceivably know about Bart, she wasn’t there, and she hasn’t placed cameras in the Ridgely, _ yet _.

“You know,” No, he really doesn’t. “You and Todd. Todd and _ you _.”

“Farah, you’re going to need to be more specific, Todd and I do quite a lot of things together, and I can’t reasonably know which activity you’re referring to with so little details.”

“You and Todd, Dirk.” Farah reiterates, a little annoyed, “You and Todd and _ glowsticks _.”

Instantly, Dirk feels his cheeks heat up, the memory of Suzie Boreton’s Peace Spell and its consequences still very vivid in his head. Todd might have been too drunk to remember, or he simply didn’t want to because they hadn’t talked about it since that night, but while he had woken up next to Farah, Dirk had been the one he’d pushed against a wall to kiss fiercely.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please, Dirk.” She rolls her eyes, “I didn’t say anything because, really, I don’t want to be involved with, with… _ that _.” She points at him like his entire being is enough explanation. “And I guess we were too busy with the Cardenas’ case for you two to talk about it, but if it keeps you apart, you should.”

“It doesn’t keep us apart.” When she arches an eyebrow, he feels almost offended. “It _ doesn’t _ . What occurred, well, _ occurred _, we weren’t ourselves and now we’re working together and such experiences shouldn’t be brought up.”

“Right,” She doesn’t believe him, he can see it in the way she presses her lips together. “So when you said that he was the best thing that ever happened to you, you weren’t being yourself?”

“That’s not-”

“And when he said that he had a crush on you since you made him dig up Patrick’s machine for an entire day, he wasn’t being himself either?”

“How do you remember all of this?!” Dirk exclaims, shame filling him, “You were busy _ sucking _faces with Tina!”

“I was _ not _!”

“Oh you so were, you gave her a hickey.”

They glare at each other for a few seconds, embarrassment heavy in the air, until Farah exhales languidly. 

“We’re behaving kids, while an actual kid is getting interrogated.” She says, “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know, open a can of worms or something, I just-” She passes a hand on her face, “I just don’t want you two to lose what you have.”

And that hits him in the heart like the electric arrows did in his shoulder. It stings, and it bleeds, it makes him a bit dizzy and he wants to sit down, scream or sleep, or all of them. He just wants to let out his own caged bird, his own confession. He wants Todd to hold his hand too and pull the truth out of his closed lips.

“What do we have,” He quacks, “That you and I don’t have?”

She looks at him with a soft smile, “I can’t really explain it. When I met him, I asked him how long he’d been with you because he seemed to know you so well. And you know him too. It’s like, two people who are different in every possible way, but who complete each other.”

Dirk wants to say something back, he wants to deny that Todd and him are similar, because he wouldn’t wish that on anybody and especially not Todd, but the words are stuck in his throat, and by the time he’s dislocated them, Todd has opened the door and is asking them to come speak to their client.

_ Two people who are different in every possible way, but who complete each other. _


	3. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your nice comments!  
here is the new chapter where we get into a new case, todd shows his big brother talents, farah is a goddess and dirk is going through some Gay Panic.
> 
> enjoy!

“My sister was framed.” Lucia maintains all the way through, even when Farah tries to explain that, maybe, just _ maybe _, her sister didn’t tell her everything, that she might have left for a few minutes, to go to the bathroom, and that Lucia didn’t notice. “There’s no other explanation.”

“Alright, your sister was framed.” Farah finally agrees, “By who, then?”

“I don’t know! That’s exactly why I’m here, you’re supposed to be detectives!”

“Can we all try to stay calm, maybe?” Dirk says, “There’s no need to lose our cool.”

Todd snorts, “The cool was lost a long time ago.”

Dirk sends him a dark glare then turns to Lucia, “What you’re saying is that your sister, _ Jimena’s, _prints were found at a crime scene.”

“Yes.”

“And that, at the time of the murder, you were watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

“_ Yes _.”

“Bizarre choice, but fine, then what?”

“The next day we opened the store like usual,” Lucia grimaces, “After a few hours, two men came inside and said they were with the police and that Jimena had to come with them.”

“Then they took your sister.”

“Arrested her,” Corrects Farah, “Which is the normal procedure when you find prints on a crime scene.”

Lucia stands up, knuckles white, “It can’t be her prints!”

Todd extends a hand, blocking the teen from launching at Farah “Let’s all sit down and try to understand this entire thing, okay?”

Lucia falls back on her chair. “Yeah, okay.”

Dirk claps his hands, “Now, Lucia, who is the person your sister allegedly murdered?”

She winces a little, but replied anyway “Zachariah VanGaugh.”

“Now, wait a minute.” Farah interrupts, eyes wide, “_ The _ Zachariah VanGaugh?”

Todd laughs, “Yeah, I asked that too.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

Dirk waves at them, “Hello, sorry, is this an American thing? Who is Zachariah VanGaugh?”

“It’s a Seattle thing, actually,” Todd pulls out his phone and shows Dirk the picture of a young man with a strange man bun. “He was a college student who started a fast food chain that took off in Seattle and now he owns most of the city.”

“Not as much as Patrick did,” Farah clarifies, “But pretty close.”

“Every drunk Seattleite knows that if you want to sober up in record time, you go to MaravillTacos and stuff yourself with enchiladas until the tortilla has absorbed all of your bad choices.” 

“Except if you have actual standards for Mexican food.” Lucia grunts.

Todd chuckles, “And if you’re of legal age to get drunk.”

Her face goes slightly pink and she slumps a little more in front of them, “The food is still shit.”

Dirk tilts his head, “So, it’s not a Seattle establishment?”

Todd and Farah look at each other before replying in sync, “No, absolutely not.”

“But,” Todd adds, “It’s totally a money machine, I’m sure VanGaugh had a lot of enemies who were after some of his wealth.”

Farah nods, “Money attracts trouble.”

“So, now you don’t think my sister did it?” Lucia asks, voice low.

“We’re not ruling out the possibility.”

“But we have to investigate,” Todd makes clear, he’s still incredibly gentle with her, which makes Dirk’s heart expand in his chest like one of those inflatable dinosaur eggs Amanda gave him for Christmas. 

Lucia doesn’t look entirely happy, but she must know that they’re her only chance. “And where are you going to start?”

They all turn to him like he holds all of the knowledge on weird probing and research techniques, and _ oh _, of course!

“Isn’t it obvious?” He says, thoughts almost free of all the concerns that filled them only a few hours ago. “All good detectives start with the crime scene.”

* * *

They told Lucia to go home because they’re responsible adults who don’t drag teenagers to very dangerous and illegal places, they did a really good, _ logical _thing. And the only reason why she’s on the backseat with Todd is because she’s an irresponsible teenager who doesn’t follow orders, even when they’re clearly the best course of action.

She’s making Farah crazy, which is amusing, and Todd seems extremely fond of her for reasons unknown. Dirk is neutral, not that he isn’t slightly charmed by her recklessness and undying loyalty to her sister, but he doesn’t want to get attached. Once this case is solved, he’s hopping on a plane to the other side of the world and if he can keep himself from having to write a letter to a headstrong seventeen-year-old girl, that’d be far easier.

“It’s there,” Farah announces as she parks her car near a monster of a building, it’s so tall that Dirk can’t even see the tip of it and it’s entirely covered with reflective panels that would blind them all if it wasn’t nighttime.

“Did the guy have something to compensate for?” Todd inquires with a sly smile, “It’s like he tried to compete with the Space Needle.”

“Money doesn’t buy class,” Dirk replies, “This is simply atrocious.”

“Must I remind you that you’re both talking about a dead man?” Farah complaints, “And in front of a teenager.”

Lucia shrugs, “I don’t mind, he was a jerk;”

That makes Dirk turn a little, “You met him?”

“Yeah, like twice, he came to the store.”

“Zachariah VanGaugh went to your grandma’s store?” Farah asks, evidently confused, “Why on Earth would he do that?”

“I don’t know,” Lucia admits, “Jimena told me they went to college together before he became rich, maybe that’s why.”

“Maybe,” Dirk whispers, “Or maybe not.”

He exits the car quickly and power walks towards the tower, threads of a possible scheme starting to meet and embroid themselves inside Dirk’s mind. 

“Dirk! Wait!” It’s Todd, of course, it is. “Dirk, you can’t just enter a private building then walk to a crime scene, there’ll be guards!”

“Or maybe not!” Dirk yells back, still walking, hoping that his legs are long enough to flee Todd, “We weren’t stopped at the Perriman Grand.”

He should have known that no matter how long are his legs compared to Todd’s, his friend can run pretty quickly when he wants to, and he apparently _ really _wants to. “Yes, but we were familiar with the Perriman, you’re talking about a building previously owned by a billionaire who was killed forty-eight hours ago, we can just march in there with no plan.”

Dirk stops and spins backwards, almost hitting Todd in the face with his tie, “Well, I wasn’t planning on _ us _marching in there with no plan, I was going to march with no plan on my own!”

Todd pauses as well, a little frozen, his skin seems waxy all of a sudden, like he’s simply turned into a statue, right there, in the middle of the street. “You don’t want me to come with you.” It’s not a question, but it’s said with a hint of something Dirk can’t quite understand.

And Todd doesn’t understand either, because if he really knew Dirk, he’d be aware that if Dirk had the possibility to physically join them at the hip, he would. He wouldn’t take a single step without Todd walking by his side. But every path Dirk takes is somehow dangerous, every place he goes to is overflowed by millions of ways to seriously injure yourself or, to put it clearly, die. And that’s not a risk he can take with Todd right now, not when the Universe has switched teams and is now playing against them. 

“I think you should stay in the car with Lucia,” He says, even if it’s the opposite of what he really wants, “Someone needs to watch her.”

“Farah can watch her.”

“Farah has a gun and knows how to use it,” He doesn’t want to continue that sentence, firstly because he doesn’t believe a word of it and secondly because he knows how Todd will react. “I’m sorry, but your brass knuckles are clearly not what this case needs.”

Todd recoils, just like Dirk knew he would and there’s a flash of anger quickly dialled down with incomprehension. “If you didn’t think I’d be useful on this case, why’d you let me interrogate Lucia.”

“Well, Todd, you still work for this agency.” _ God _, he hates himself. “We did need to find you a purpose.”

Todd blushes, but it’s not a nice pink colour, it’s crimson red and Dirk knows it’s going to grow on Todd’s neck because he’s not embarrassed, he’s furious. It’s what he wanted, it’s exactly why he said all of this so that Todd’ anger would push him to go back in the car, or back at the Ridgely. Dirk wants him far away from this building, from a _ crime scene _ where he could trip and fall on a knife, or something just as absurd but definitely deadly.

He almost expects Todd to punch him a little, but he’s, once again, surprised, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Dirk?’ 

He blinks, a little dazed, “I beg your pardon?” 

Todd doesn’t back down, “You’ve been weird, and not your typical brand of weird.” He’s boiling, Dirk can see it. “You don’t reply to my texts, hell, you barely talk to me if you can avoid it. So, what’s going on?”

“Nothing!” That results in a frown. “Nothing is going on just because I don’t discuss with you which Starbucks drink you should get, especially when I know you’ll just buy black coffee.”

“I was trying to start a conversation!” Todd throws his arms in the air, “You weren’t talking to me, so I tried to, I don’t know, _ engage _.”

“Not very successful, if you ask me.”

“Shut up, Dirk.”

“You need to make up your mind, do you want me to talk to you or to shut up?” He asks, knowing that raising an eyebrow will make Todd exasperated. “You’re sending mixed signals.”

“_ I’m _ sending mixed signals?! You have to be kidding!”

“I’m not sending any signals, _ Todd _, that’s exactly what you just complained about.”

“I can’t believe you’re-”

Todd’s interrupted by Farah who slams the car door with much more force than she needs to, “Guys, can we do this quickly? I don’t want someone to find us and shoot us when we have a seventeen-year-old in the car.”

Dirk just nods, ignoring how Todd glares at him with a mix of fury and dejection, “Yes, of course! Very rational thinking Farah, let’s go!” He tries to grab her hand, but she turns to Todd.

“I’m going to take Lucia to that diner,” She points to a burger joint on the other side of the street, one of those ’50s themed one where you can drink terrible strawberry milkshakes with your onion rings. Dirk loves them. “I’m not entirely sure she ate something today and I’d rather not have her fall unconscious.”

“Good idea,” Todd takes out a beat-up iPod that looks like it belongs to 2001 from his pocket and gives it to Farah. “Lucia wanted to listen to Mexican Funeral songs, so, there.”

Farah eyes him a little but takes the device, “Anything else I should be ready for with her?”

“She’s a teen, Farah, not a criminal.”

“That’s worse.”

“You took care of Lydia Spring,” Dirk observes, “She was a teen.”

“A different type of teen,” Farah sighs, “Lydia was always very… moderate.”

Dirk sees Todd smile, “You’re not used to rebellious, leather jacket wearing, piercings and purple hair teens, huh?”

“A criminal would make me less uncomfortable,” Farah confesses. “At least I know how to talk to a criminal.”

“Which is why you should come with me to the crime scene.” Dirk reiterates, “And Todd should stay with Lucia.”

“Not happening, Dirk.”

“Why not? You’re much more in your element with Lucia than Farah is!”

“Because, _ I’m _ your assistant, not Farah!” Todd yells before he goes fully quiet. He blushes once again and this time, it’s from embarrassment. 

They all stay silent for a few seconds before another car door opens and Lucia groans behind them, “Can we go get that burger? I’m super hungry.”

“Yes,” It’s Farah who replies, “We’re going.” She looks at them, not mentioning how far they’re both standing from each other. “We’ll talk about this later, or not.”

“_ Not _ might be the best option,” Todd whispers before leaving the circle they form and walking towards the building doors. 

Dirk watches him go, there’s a knot in his stomach that grows with every step Todd takes away from him. He wanted this, he wanted to create this wall between them, to protect Todd. But he can’t help but hate the distance that settles between them, and not just the physical one. He hates how his words can easily cut Todd to the bone and he hates how Todd refuses to make it easy, how he refuses to just _ leave _Dirk alone.

“We might not need to talk about it,” Farah says, voice soft around the edges, like she knows that Dirk’s heart is fragile, “But you should talk to him.”

She doesn’t fully smile, but it’s enough to tell Dirk she wants what’s best for them, then she follows Lucia. Dirk doesn’t watch her leave, he trusts her to be able to protect herself and Lucia if anything happens. But he doesn’t trust the Universe with Todd, so he runs after his best friend and doesn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment <3


	4. chapter three

For unknown reasons, the entrance of Zachariah VanGaugh’s building wasn’t at all guarded, it wasn’t lit up either. There was no one at the reception, no even a creepy woman with an even creepier smile like you’d expect in this type of context. The door was even locked, and when Dirk tried to point out how abnormal that was, Todd simply placed his brass knuckles on and entered the building.

A voice inside Dirk was screaming that Todd shouldn’t be the first one to walk into that place, there was a twenty-eight per cent chance that this entire thing was a trap and that an ivory white piano would crush Todd once he stepped inside. Dirk wasn’t entirely sure why he was obsessed with falling pianos, but still! This was dangerous, far too dangerous for someone who could be strangled by a peanut if the Universe so desired it.

“Todd, wait up!” Dirk tries to catch his friend by the arm but his stopped by the glass door hitting him square in the face. “Todd-aH!”

That makes Todd stop in his tracks, “Shit, Dirk, you okay?” He extends a hand that Dirk quickly grabs, afraid that Todd will change his mind and abandon him on the ground, which Dirk wouldn’t blame him for after what happened.

“I’m okay, I’m used to it.” He jumps up but doesn’t give Todd his hand back. “Just, wait for me, okay?”

Todd stares at him, mouth a little open, before he wavers, “You didn’t even want me here, to begin with, Dirk.”

“That’s not-” How can he possibly explain this? He can’t, there’s no excuse he can voice that isn’t a total lie, and they don’t do that. At least they try no to. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Todd doesn’t turn back, but Dirk can see that answer kind of work. “I got hurt before, Dirk.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

Todd rolls his eyes, which Dirk finds totally uncalled for, and keeps walking away from his babbling best friend. 

“Todd, wait,” He snatches his hand, the one that isn’t ready to punch anyone who dares try to attack them and makes his friend face him. “Are we okay? Because we weren’t okay outside. And I know it’s utterly my fault, well and a little bit yours because you always get so silent and I don’t work well with silent people, but mostly mine. So, uh, are we okay?”

Todd blinks, then his eyes slowly lower to their joined hands, which makes Dirk flinch away. “Yeah, Dirk, we’re okay.” He’s still looking at their hands, now separated, with something Dirk can’t quite place. “Actually, next time you’re worried about my wellbeing?”

Dirk looks up because someone _ has _to between both of them and his ears feel a little red. “Yes?”

“Just, don’t tell me I’m useless, okay?” The way Todd’s voice falters is new, Todd usually doesn’t let his emotions bleed into his words, and that just makes this entire situation even worse.

“Right, okay, that’s-” Dirk feels stupid and terrible, and an all other bunches of adjectives that have nothing good to say about him. “That’s a perfectly reasonable demand.”

Todd nods then move forward the elevator. That discussion is over, then, great, _ awesome _, there’s definitely not residual discomfort between them that Dirk blames entirely on himself, and a little bit on the Universe too. That’s just brilliant.

The elevator is huge, almost bigger than Todd’s bathroom from what Dirk remembers of it, and there’s _ gold _on the buttons, but Todd doesn’t seem as impressed as Dirk is, which reminds him that the Perriman Grand was quite a luxurious affair as well, Todd must be used to such excessive displays of wealth. Or maybe he’s still mad at Dirk and everything will be terrible forever, that’s another option. 

Dirk doesn’t wholly trust elevators, especially not while Todd stands next to him, a bit too close to the doors for Dirk’s comfort, but he thinks that if he dares make a comment right now about the safety of lifts Todd might kick him. At least, there’s no dull music, just pure, unaltered silence, between two friends who have no secrets or frustration towards each other, none, whatsoever.

_ First floor. _

_ Second floor. _

_ Third floor. _

“Where exactly are we going?” Dirk asks, unable to stop himself.

Todd doesn’t look at him, “Lucia said VanGaugh was found dead in his apartment.” 

“Right, right.”

_ Sixth floor. _

_ Seventh floor. _

_ Eight floor. _

Okay, that’s it, Dirk is going to lose it. “And on which bloody floor is Zachariah VanGaugh’s apartment?”

“The twenty-first.”

“Will you just look at me?!”

Todd huffs but finally, _ finally _, turns towards him. His arms are crossed over his shirt and he’s scowling, but Dirk will take it.

“Evidently, we are not, in fact, okay.”

Todd shrugs, “We’re not _ not _okay, you know? I’m just a little-”

“Furious after me.”

“_ Upset _.” Todd clarifies, “I’m not furious, I’m not even mad, I’m just thinking about stuff and thinking about stuff makes me upset.”

Dirk snorts, “That’s such a Todd thing.”

“Should I take offence to that?”

“Absolutely not, being Todd is an amazing thing to be.”

Todd chuckles in a way that warms Dirk from head to toe and bumps their shoulders together, “Right, well being Dirk Gently isn’t a bad thing either.”

Dirk wants to laugh too because this feels like something he should do in this situation, they’re joking together, being friendly and funny, like boring, _ sane _guys. But this also feels like a moment for honesty.

“I don’t always feel like being Dirk Gently is a good thing.”

He doesn’t mean it in a melodramatic way. He’s aware that life could be much worse, he could have lost an arm or a leg, or he could have been betrothed to a giant slug like the princess in that space movie Todd seems so fond of. But he also knows that his life could have been something else, something _ better _ . Blackwing hadn’t been the only obstacle to his happiness, sure, getting kidnapped and experimented on had never been on his top ten list, but Blackwing had just been the consequence of, well, _ himself _. He’d been born this way, and Lady Gaga wasn’t always right, God, or the Universe, or whatever had made a mistake with him. 

“What do you mean?” Todd asked him, blue eyes searching his face for answers Dirk couldn’t even formulate himself. 

“I just-” He sighed, letting his head hit the wall of the elevator. He was drained, this week had been a pure nightmare and now he felt tired, not only of this case, which had barely even started but of the entirety of it, of this world who asked so much out of him. “I was made for this, but I’m not _ made _for this if you understand?”

“Not even a little.”

“Right, well,” Todd was still watching him, anyone else would have found him cold, he was standing very still in front of Dirk and stared, mouth shut and eyes inquiring, but Dirk knew better. This was Todd’s “_ I don’t understand, but I want to _ ” face, one of Dirk’s favourite. “You see, I have no idea how my _ abilities _work, all I know is that I was born with them. I always had hunches, always was connected to everything and nothing, but I’m not-” 

Gosh, he really was a mess. “I’m not equipped for it. I might know where to go and, in rare cases, know what to do, but I’m emotionally and physically not made for this lifestyle. It’s just not who I want to be.”

Dirk heard the ping of the elevator letting them know they were finally on the twenty-first floor and felt somehow disappointed that their moment was over. Todd would, with no doubt, just nod and move along, leaving Dirk’s head filled with questions wanting for an answer.

But, and Dirk should really just stop making assumptions about his best friend because he always gets proven wrong, Todd didn’t just acknowledge Dirk’s rather personal confession silently and clears his throat, “Maybe this is not what you wanted. I mean, I‘m not sure a lot of people want to be mixed with the interconnectedness of the Universe, but I think you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve.” 

They lock eyes, and Dirk could swear he almost felt electricity pass between them, like that time with Pepe the rhino, but on a more intimate level. “You’re good at what you do, it might not always make you happy, but I’ve seen you do some amazing stuff in the past year we’ve known each other.” He smiles, “And I know it’s selfish, but I much prefer investigating mysterious murders than giving hotel keys to rich snobs.” 

“I’m sure you’d have found another job without my help.”

Todd raises an eyebrow, “I really wouldn’t call it _ help _.”

“I would,” Dirk mutters.

“But that’s not the point,” Dirk has no idea where this is going, and that frightens him a little, “This holistic thing, Dirk, you’re not just that. You’re more than whatever connection you have with all of this,” Todd waves his arms around as to indicate everything around them, “Maybe I would have found another job, even if I doubt that and maybe I would have even become a private detective, who knows, but it wouldn’t be this.” He points at the two of them, “It wouldn’t be you and me. I don’t prefer my life now because of the weekly murders, but because of you.”

Dirk flusters, mouth gaping slightly as the meaning of Todd’s words lodge itself in his blood and bones, “You like this because of me.” He repeats, dumbstruck.

Todd nods, and he’s blushing, it’s a sight Dirk hasn’t witnessed before. The flush starts at Todd’s ears before spreading to his forehead, then his cheeks, he’s entirely red when he finally speaks again, “Yeah, okay? I like this because, it’s, you know, it’s _ us _.”

Dirk doesn’t understand, well, he does, because he finds being a holistic detective a lot more fun now that he has Todd as an assistant, but he never really expected that feeling to be shared. He knew, deep down, that Todd somehow liked him, he wouldn’t have helped with the Cardenas if he hadn’t, and he wouldn’t have looked for him when Blackwing took him, but Dirk had only thought of it as a misplaced, but very welcome, friendship, not an actual appreciation for the job.

“You enjoy being my assistant,” Dirk reiterates, “You actually enjoy this, because of me.”

Todd puffs a little, “Yes, do you really want me to say it again. _ Yes _, I like being your assistant.”

The feeling that rattles Dirk’s bones at that moment cannot be put into words, he feels his hands shake and his breath quicken, and he doesn’t know if Todd is aware that he’s close to tears, but he is, he’s so close to it that his eyes become glassy. This isn’t fair, it’s actually so bloody unfair, it’s too many levels of cruel. Todd likes him, likes being with him, and maybe what they shared at the Sound of Silence isn’t that unattainable, but it’s too late. It’s all too late, they can never have this, whatever this is, they can never go to the next step, the step that makes Dirk’s heart skip a beat because he needs to leave. He needs to go far away to protect Todd and this is just sadistic from the Universe.

“Dirk, hey,” He’s crying, he knows he is and he knows that it must freak Todd out, but he can’t stop. “Dirk, what’s going on?”

There’s a tentative hand on his shoulder and he’s not sure what makes him finally start sobbing, is it Todd’ uncertainty or is it his own shortcomings, he’s not sure. He just knows that there is a knot forming in his throat and he can’t talk, he can’t breathe, this is just so unfair.

He feels himself slipping down, his legs aren’t keeping him up and he can’t force any strength in them to maintain some sort of dignity. He doesn’t want to be that guy who cries on the floor in expensive elevators while his friend, assistant, crush(?), watches him, but he can’t stop gravity, and his legs finally just give out.

But he doesn’t fall, he slumps a little, and his legs are bent in a way that makes him shorter, but he’s not on the ground, he’s still standing, with the help of Todd, who has wrapped his arms around him and who is holding him up. It feels like a hug, a very desperate and sad one, but still. 

“Dirk,” Todd whispers directly in his ear, “Dirk, just tell me what’s going on, I want to help.”

And that’s just the last straw because of course, Todd would want to help. Todd wouldn’t go down without a fight, and he wouldn’t fall on the floor sobbing because his emotions are too big for his body, he’d walk it off, he’d take his brass knuckles and push the living shit of the Universe because that’s what Todd _ does _.

But he isn’t Todd, he doesn’t fight the Universe, he runs from it. He always has, he ran from Yugoslavia when he was seven, right when it was still Yugoslavia, then he left England (or he was taken, details) when he was twelve before he was sent back. He left St Cedd’s when he couldn’t take the heat of his mistakes, and he left New York when Blackwing got a trace of him. If he hadn’t met Todd and Farah, he’d have left Seattle a long time ago, he never faced anything, he never fought, really fought for what he wanted. He fought when the Universe asked him to, and the few times he wanted something, really wanted something, the Universe took it away before he could make a move.

Which was exactly what was happening with Todd, _ god _.

“I can’t fix this,” He sniffs, his head is still on Todd’s shoulder and it shouldn’t feel so good, so comforting but it does, “I can’t even try because I’ll mess it all up, I just can’t-”

Todd hugs him tighter and this is a hug, they both can’t deny it, but it’s also a silent acceptance, it’s the way Todd says without actually speaking _ Just let it out, Dirk _. He’s in love with him, Dirk is desperately in love with him to the point where his heart feels like the only organ in his body, and isn’t it grand? He’s in love with him, but he can’t keep him, he can’t tell him. He’s in love, but that’s all he can be, in love and quiet.

Todd doesn’t ask again, he must know in a way that he won’t get a clear answer from a crying Dirk, but there’s also something else, a type of surrender. “It’s okay,” He whispers in Dirk’s hair. Absently, Dirk notices that it’s the first time they’ve been in this position, they’ve hugged before, they’ve hugged after the whole Blackwing affair, or after the almost dying in Wendimoor business, they’ve even hugged quite recently after some outing in town, but never like this. They’ve never been so close, so intimate without the help of unsolicited magic, they were friends, the best of friends, but not the type who embraced each other to say hello or to touch thoughtlessly. They were friends, not _ friends _. Which makes this sudden proximity all more meaningful if only slightly embarrassing. 

“It’s okay,” Todd repeats, and Dirk feels his finger at the nape of his neck, making small circles with his thumb, “It’s going to be okay, Dirk.”

He wishes it so deeply to be true, it hurts.


	5. chapter four

When the elevator doors open, they separate, but it isn’t a quick affair, they don’t do a ridiculous jump in the air or some other type of comical split, they both take a few deep breaths then detach themselves from each other like responsible adults and not emotionally stunted teenagers. But it doesn’t stop Dirk from missing Todd’ warmth deeply and he steps into Zachariah VanGaugh’s apartment with annoyance because yes, he’s a detective, but this is really the last place he wants to be. The first one being Todd’s arms, possibly while they’re sitting or lying down.

“Wow,” Todd whispers next to Dirk as they both step into Zachariah VanGaugh’s home. The apartment is as fancy as the rest of the building, it’s all gold handles, marble floors and weird-looking trinkets that just scream expensive nonsense. There’s a leather sofa, a square one that surrounds a very big TV screen and a furry rug, Dirk hopes silently that it isn’t a real bear because that will make him cry again.

“Who knew selling mediocre tacos could buy you a giant lava lamp,” Dirk says mockingly as he touches the said object with the tip of his fingers. This place was just ludicrous, even Patrick Spring’s house wasn’t so frivolous and the man had a manor for Christ sake.

Todd snorts a little, “You never had his tacos, you don’t know if they’re mediocre.”

“Lucia had quite a few choices of words to describe his food,” He gets around the couch and walks towards the end of the living room, he doesn’t know why he goes there, but he’s stopped caring about why he does things quite a long time ago.

“Dirk, what are you doing?” Todd calls behind him, “Lucia said that they found his body in the kitchen.”

“I just want to see his room,” He replies distractedly as he continues approaching the door at the end of the corridor. It’s the one closed door in this apartment, and the handle isn’t golden like the rest of them. “I  _ need  _ to see his room.”

He hears Todd sigh and follows him with heavy steps, which makes him smile, “That door is weird,” Todd says as he comes to stand next to Dirk.

“I know, the handle is strange.”

“And it’s the only one in total darkness,” Todd points out to Dirk’s surprise, “You’ve seen it outside, there are windows on every wall of this place, I’m pretty sure he even has a giant one in his bathroom, but not here.”

It’s true when the entered the living room they didn’t even turn on the lights because of all the windows. Even now that it was dark outside, the street lights were bright enough to give a certain glow to VanGaugh’s home. But not to this door, not to this corridor.

“Well, that’s sinister, isn’t it?” Dirk breathes out, “I mean, a mysterious door at the end of a dark corridor at a crime scene? That doesn’t make me feel very safe.”

“Safe isn’t a word I would associate to what we do,” Todd laughs, “The last time we had an actual case, one that wasn’t lost cats and cheating husbands, you got shot and I got choked to death.”

“Near-death,” Dirk brings up, “You’re still here.”

“Thankfully.”

It’s Todd who opens the door, they expect it to be locked because if they had a mysterious door in a dark corridor, they would lock it. But Zachariah VanGaugh isn’t them, firstly because he’s so rich that he gets to have hidden doors and secondly because he apparently keeps a shrine to himself.

That’s what they find on the other side of this door, a room with no windows, dark walls, no furniture and thousands of pictures of Zachariah VanGaugh. The word sinister doesn’t cover it, they’re past that at this point, they’re on a whole new level. 

“What the fu-” Dirk shares the sentiment, truly, he doesn’t what he thinks of this whole thing except the fact that the pictures of VanGaugh’s face will probably haunt his nights for the next month.

“I don’t know,” He says, he feels his body walk towards said pictures without his permission and his fingers move to touch them, “That’s quite an obsession,” The face that stares back at him his so very young, VanGaughs must be barely twenty on this one.

“You must really like yourself to keep so many pictures,” Todd points out.

Dirk takes the picture off the wall, the one that features VanGaugh, young and happy, and a woman that looks slightly familiar, “Or you must really hate yourself.”

He can feel Todd’ gaze at the back of his head, but he doesn’t want to elaborate on what he just said, so he turns around, picture in hand and gives it to his friend. “Doesn’t she look like someone we know?”

Todd frowns as he takes the picture, he seems disturbed by the sight, which never means anything good. “That’s Jimena.” He says before looking up and locking eyes with Dirk, “That’s Jimena. It’s Lucia’s sister.”

And of course, it’s the same eyes, the same dark brown colour and the same smile. It’s Jimena Rodriguèz, who is hugging Zachariah VanGaugh tightly and pressing a loving kiss to his cheek on a picture that must have been taken just a few years ago.

Dirk looks at this picture for quite a while, his thoughts are boiling with questions that he doesn’t have the answer to yet. Why would Jimena kill VanGaugh? Why would VanGaugh frame her? They were obviously friends, or at least close enough to take pictures together, so why? Why would they hurt each other so deeply? Dirk and Todd were friends, close enough to take pictures together and the thought of hurting Todd in any way made Dirk nauseous. 

The thought that his very existence put Todd in danger made Dirk sick to his stomach.

He turned the picture, unable to look at Jimena’s face once again without feeling his gut twist, and his eyes fell on an unfamiliar handwriting. 

**16 18 15 20 5 21 19**   
  


“What’s that?” Todd looks over his shoulder, “Some sort of code?”

“I don’t know,” Dirk replies and, for once in his life, not knowing angers him, long gone is the bliss of ignorance. “I really don’t know.”

They leave the apartment with the picture, there’s nothing else they need, they’re not forensic scientists, they don’t need DNA or blood, they don’t even need real proofs, just more questions with no answers.

They meet up with Farah and Lucia in the diner, Dirk swears it’s to share what they’ve found, but it’s mostly because he’s craving ice cream and Farah has money and the keys to the car.

“So?” Their friend asks, she hasn’t eaten anything, there’s no plate in front of her, just an empty coffee mug that Dirk knows she drank without any milk or sugar, the monster.

Todd and Dirk sprawl on the red leather bench, it’s not actually comfortable but it goes perfectly with the retro aesthetic of the restaurant, “We made a few discoveries,” Dirk starts.

“A few  _ weird  _ discoveries,” Todd completes with a long sigh. He seems exhausted, which is why Dirk doesn’t make a face when he orders two cups of black coffee in a row and onion rings with melted cheese. 

Todd’s preferences when it comes to food make Dirk uneasy. He’s himself a bit of a sweet tooth and he regularly relishes in pancakes, pies and the likes. Todd, on the other hand, seems to thrive on caffeine and salt, he can ingest pretty much anything if there’s some cheese on it and he can spend days without sleeping if you keep him close to a coffee machine. Dirk is pretty sure that, if given the opportunity, his friend would plug himself to a tank of black coffee intravenously.

He prefers tea, he always has, but he’s also craving strawberry milk so that’s what he orders, as well as some waffles with vanilla ice cream. He already knows that Todd is going to make a comment about cavities and cardiac arrests, but he’ll just point at his friend’s plate in retaliation, neither of them is really healthy, Todd’s just in denial when it comes to his own diet.

“We found a picture,” Dirk says after finishing his first waffle, “A picture of Lucia’s sister.”

Todd wipes his mouth next to him and points to Farah with his fork,” By the way, where is she?”

“Locked herself in the toilets with your iPod.” Farah rolls her eyes, “She had a burger and some fries, then she just took the damn thing and told me to go get her when you were both back.”

“And the staff didn’t throw her out?” Dirk asks, “The last time I locked myself in a diner, the manager tried to get me to leave by throwing pickled eggs at me.”

The look Todd gives him is untranslatable, “That’s a story for another day,” He says before standing up, “I’ll go get her.”

It’s just Farah and Dirk now, which isn’t a bad thing per se because Dirk loves Farah and she’s a very good detective, but the idea of leaving Todd unattended makes Dirk nervous. What if he tripped on his way to the bathroom and impaled himself on a spear? Not that Dirk believes this diner carries spears, but you never know with the Universe.

“They’re strangely close, right?” Farah states as she sips her coffee, “It’s kind of cute.”

“Yes, they are.” Dirk is trying to keep his eyes on Todd, but his friend passes the kitchen and Dirk loses sight of him.” I don’t know why, but they are.”

“It’s because of Amanda.”

Dirk supposes that makes sense because Farah just said it, but he doesn’t understand at all. “Because of Amanda? What does Amanda have to do with Lucia?” Is there something he’s not seeing, a connection between the Brotzmans and the Rodriguèz that could help with this case? But before he asks, Farah corrects herself.

“Well, not with Amanda  _ herself _ , but with, you know, the concept.”

Dirk stares at her, a little stupidly he must admit, “I cannot fathom what you mean for the life of me, Farah.”

Farah frowns a little, “She’s Amanda’s age.”

“She’s sixteen,” Dirk replies, still very lost, “Is Amanda much younger than I thought? Because if she’s sixteen, she should go back to school and stop busting cars with the Rowdy 3.”

“She’s Amanda’s age when Todd was  _ Jimena’s  _ age,” Farah explains, “Jimena and Lucia have the same age gap as Todd and Amanda.” She takes another sip from her cup and shrugs, “ I guess he sees Amanda in her.”

That does make more sense, in a very particular way that Dirk cannot entirely get because he has no sibling and how bothersome would that be, how weird if he had a sister or brother with the same abilities as him, his life would have been quite different, less lonely in a way.

He wouldn’t have been alone in the Blackwing cell, he would have had someone to talk to, someone that would reply to him, someone that would truly understand what he was going through. But he guesses that it would have put certain responsibilities on his shoulders, it already hadn’t easy to take care of himself after Blackwing’s treatment on his own and Dirk doesn’t want to think about being held accountable for the wellbeing of someone else. 

“It’s kind of difficult to imagine, right?” Farah said, “A twenty-something Todd taking care of his punk rock little sister.”

“You seem to have a personal issue with punk-rock teens,” Dirk laughs slightly, “But yes, I guess I just never really thought about it.” He’s not lying, in a sense, but he’s not being entirely honest. He’s thought of Todd as a twenty-something, he’s actually imagined vividly a twenty-one-year-old Todd coming to St Cedd’s for irrational but very pleasing reasons, it’s one of his favourite dreams.

It usually started in the same way every time, Todd is twenty-one, so is Dirk, and even though back then he was still named Svlad,  _ Dream _ -Todd never calls him that. Ah yes, because Dream-Todd and  _ Dream _ -Dirk meet and become friends, or more accurately,  _ Dream _ -Dirk drops his books on his way to his English Lit class and  _ Dream _ -Todd helps him pick them up, after a short conversation  _ Dream _ -Todd invites him to a concert of Mexican Funeral and by the end of the night, they are engaged and ready to adopt a cat. It’s a very nice dream, albeit an absolutely impossible one, but that’s what dreams are made of; impossibilities.

But, no, he’s never really thought about Todd raising Amanda, he knows that, before Todd told the truth about his condition, Amanda and he were very close, they’re slowly fixing things now, but there’s an unconditional trust they used to have that they now evidently lack. Still, he hadn’t really thought that Todd had been the only adult in Amanda’s life. He tells Farah so.

“We talked a little about his family while you were-,” She doesn’t say  _ locked away _ , but Dirk hears it anyway. “His parents aren’t bad people, but apparently they just never really cared about Todd past his puberty.”

“But why have a second child then?” Dirk asks he’s evidently* missing something here. “Why have another baby if you didn’t really care about your son and apparently reserve the same treatment to your daughter.”

Farah just shrugs, “I don’t know, I don’t think it was conscious. Sometimes people are unable to care enough but don’t realise it.”

“How can you not care about your own children?” Dirk feels his throat close a little, the image of a young Todd, alone in a big house with only the light and sound of the TV to accompany him suddenly flashes in his mind. “Isn’t it parent’s job to care?

“I don’t know if I used the right word,” Farah gives a quick look behind her, maybe to see if Todd is secretly listening to them, but he’s nowhere in sight. “They  _ cared _ , but not in the way that mattered. Todd said that it was easy to lie about his pararibulatis because once he was in college they never called him, he’d go pick up Amanda to do stuff with her and their parents were never there. But they paid his college application, and they paid for his meds, they love him, but they just don’t know how to be affectionate, I think.” She stares a little at the bottom of her glass, “We related to each other because of that. I know that my dad, he, uh, he didn’t really hate me.”

The way her eyes go glassy makes Dirk so uncomfortable that he shoves another piece of waffle in his mouth to give himself some countenance. 

“He didn’t hate me,” Farah continues, “But he never really cared in the way I wanted him to. He didn’t want to do things with me, except train. I liked it, but I also just wanted my dad sometimes.” She looks up slightly, eyes as dark and liquid as her coffee. “Todd’s parents, it’s the same thing, I think they love them, Amanda and Todd, but they don’t know how to show it. Or maybe they just don’t want to.” 

They stay silent for a while and Dirk doesn’t mention how wet Farah’s cheeks look, he knows she doesn’t want that, if she wants to talk about it, she will, but he doesn’t want to press her. Thankfully, the door of the toilets abruptly opens to let out Lucia and Todd, they’re both smiling and a pair of headphones links them to each other.

“What’s up?” Lucia asks as she falls next to Farah, leaving Todd put his iPod in his pocket. “Todd told me you found a picture of my sister at that guy’s house?”

Dirk nods as Todd sits back next to him, “Yes, we think they might have been close friends in the past.” He finishes his waffle and drinks the rest of his strawberry milk, “Did your sister ever mention a friend from university she no longer talked to? Or did she say anything about Zachariah VanGaugh that wasn’t related to your grandmother’s shop?”

“Nope,” Lucia says as she puts a cold fry in her mouth, “She only said he was a pain in the ass when he came to the store.”

“This case makes no sense,” Farah groans, “A billionaire gets murdered in his heavily guarded apartment where the police find the prints of a woman he knew when he was younger, but she wasn’t at the crime scene at the time of the murder and she never talked about him before the crime? It’s ridiculous.”

“Are you starting to doubt that my sister really did this?” Lucia asks, almost cheerful, “I thought you were certain she was guilty.”

“I was not certain, I was just,” Farah looks at her and groans even louder, “I just don’t know what’s happening.”

“And to add to this, we now have a code that leads to nowhere.” Dirk sighs.

Todd smiles slightly, it’s that one smile Dirk loves so much, the confident one. “Now you’re just all being party poopers, we know where to go.”

Farah and Lucia turn to stare at him, “What do you mean?” Farah questions, “You know where to go?”

Todd smiles just wider, “Yup,” He picks up the picture of Jimena and Zachariah VanGaugh’s from the diner’s table and points at a poster in the background. “I didn’t notice at first, mostly because I was focused on the code, but I know this place.” He looks at Dirk and Dirk’s happy that he’s sat down because the blue of Todd’s eyes and his sly smile make him weak in the knees. “I played a gig there a long time ago, they had all of these classic rock posters on the wall, my friend Bonnie tried to steal one when we left.”

“Todd!” Dirk exclaims exactly at the same time as Lucia who jumps from her seat, “You’re bloody brilliant,” The holistic detective says while the teen launches herself across the table to hug the other man. “We have a lead! Thanks to you, we have a lead!” Then he stands up as well, and louder laughs, “We have a lead! We have an actual lead!”

“Dirk, sit down before someone decides to throw pickled eggs at you again,” Todd warns as he hugs Lucia back.

“Who cares about the futility of pickled eggs, we’re going to solve this case!” He grabs Lucia’s hand and looks directly in her eyes, “Your sister isn’t guilty and now, we’re going to prove it.”

It’s Farah who stops their celebration, they, after all, need a responsible adult to sometimes step up and Dirk is never going to be that adult. “We’ll go to Todd’s spot tomorrow, it’s getting late.”

Lucia and Dirk start to complain, because apparently now Dirk has the maturity of a sixteen-year-old, but Farah shushes them. “I’m going to drop you both to the Ridgely and drive Lucia back to her home, no buts.”

“I’m going with you tomorrow!” Lucia says, no,  _ orders _ , “I deserve to know why this is happening.”

“You do,” Todd says softly and that breaks the teen’s combative spirit fairly quickly, “ But we don’t know what we’ll find tomorrow, there’s no way to know this is the end of this case or only the beginning, it could be extremely dangerous.”

“I’m tough,” The teen whispers and Dirk finally sees what the piercings, colourful hair and jacket truly conceal, it’s not just an act, she obviously likes the style, but it’s also a façade, just like when peacocks make themselves bigger to scare predators. Under the purple streaks, Lucia is still just a girl who's afraid. 

“You are,” Todd concedes, “You’re tougher than me when I was your age for sure, but that doesn’t mean you should risk your safety. What would your sister say?”

Lucia mumbles something, maybe an answer, or an insult, but Dirk knows that Todd just won that fight, Lucia won’t come with them tomorrow.


	6. chapter five

Sleep doesn’t always bring answers, Dirk would know, but he can’t help being disappointed when he wakes in the morning after their research at Zachariah VanGaugh’s home and he still has made no link between all of the clues they found. He should be used to it by now, it’s usually how it goes, he just blindly follows the universe until something gives and he finds out the truth. But this case feels different, maybe because it’s his last one before he leaves his best friends and the life he’s built, maybe it’s because of Lucia and Jimena, maybe it’s because of Todd.

Maybe it’s because the Universe is sending Dirk a warning, a warning that translates to a shiver down his spine, that Todd is in danger, that the Universe was kind yesterday but that today it will take and take and  _ take _ .

Either way, Dirk is in a foul mood, he grumpily takes a shower before heating up some water for his tea and he eats some toast but he finds no pleasure in it. He waits patiently for Todd to wake, his friend isn’t a morning person, neither is Dirk but his brain sometimes just doesn’t let him sleep, and he usually tells Dirk when he’s finally up and ready by a short text, so Dirk waits.

Waits for a little.

And waits for some more.

“Oh fuck it,” He says before picking up his keys and leaving his apartment. He’s sure that if he makes some coffee Todd will forgive him for interrupting his beauty sleep. He lets himself into Todd’s place by using the key Todd made for him a few months ago, which still now leaves Dirk a little emotional even though Todd promised it was not because he actually enjoys their movie nights but because Dirk might need it for emergencies. This, Dirk considers, is an emergency, he’s so bored that he could start drawing crude doodles on his walls just to be entertained.

There’s always a smell of cold coffee and shoe polish in Todd’s apartment, the coffee is understandable, Todd probably bathes in it, but the shoe polish stays a mystery to Dirk, another one in a list of many. The place is quite cosy now that the damages made by the Rowdy 3 were taken care of, there’s still a hole in the ground and in the ceiling, but it doesn’t really bother Todd nor anyone who visits him. The walls are painted green, Dirk chose the colour, and Todd now owns actual furniture, not just a sofa and a mattress that he uses as a second sofa, Farah bought him two grey couches were they can all lie down if they want to, there’s even a coffee table, not just a wood-crate where Todd leaves his dirty dishes.

Dirk likes Todd’s home, if he had a word in it he would buy a few lamps and plants, but Todd only likes small cactus and Dirk has had too many accidents with those to buy them willingly, but apart from that, it’s the perfect place to have lazy morning and long talks while sharing a hot beverage. 

It’s also so  _ Todd _ , the books, the CDs, the comic book posters, this entire apartment feels like the reflection of his friend, like a habitable mirror into someone’s heart and Dirk just really likes that.

He starts the coffee machine as soon as he walks in, then he raids Todd’s fridge, now that his mood is a little elevated, he feels like he could eat five hundred toasts. He finds some turkey bacon and ingredients to make pancakes. He would prefer an already made mix but Todd actually likes cooking and he refuses to buy boxes of things _ I could clearly make myself, it would be fresher and better, Dirk _ . It’s another one of Todd’s weird quirks, he doesn’t look like it with his badly shaven beard and flannels, but now that he has a job he seemingly enjoys, he actually takes care of his apartment and, to a degree, himself. He likes to cook and bake healthy things, but if he buys takeout it’s going to be the greasiest item on the menu, the man is an enigma that Dirk just doesn’t want to solve. It’s Todd’s paradoxes that make him so special.

Todd’s coffee machine is a state of the art, it was a Christmas present from Vogel, which still confuses Dirk to this day, it’s the best one on the market, one of the most expensive kitchen appliances Dirk has ever seen, it can make an entire pot of coffee in record time. There’s absolutely no way Vogel actually paid for it, but since there’s no blood on it or severed fingers still attached to it, so Todd keeps it and doesn’t ask too many questions. 

While the coffee brews, Dirk heats up some water for his tea and chooses some mugs. He likes the Squirrel Girl one for himself and he knows that Todd’s favourite is the Moana one, even if he refuses to say it out loud, but it’s okay, he’s noticed. 

His pancakes aren’t as smooth as Todd’s, that’s a given, they’re a bit lumpy and the top is more black than golden, but Dirk is certain that with the right amount of syrup, they’ll be great and with the turkey bacon, that is perfectly crisp like Dirk likes it, it will go perfectly. He barely has the time to pour some coffee and fill their plates that a sleepy and shirtless Todd slowly creeps out of his room.

Dirk shouldn’t find Todd’s bed hair and pillow marks hot, he really shouldn’t but he does. It’s almost ridiculous how the sight of his best friend’s navel and legs makes Dirk warm under the collar, it’s just some exposed skin and it’s not like Dirk hasn’t seen it before, he was after all locked into a death maze with a half-naked Todd for an entire day, but the time hadn’t been right, he hadn’t really had the time back then to admire the view and his feelings had been as intense either, just a merely crush.

But now, well, now he does have the time to appreciate all of Todd’s physique and his feelings are now far beyond a simple crush.

“Hey!” His face is red, he just knows it, “Glad to see you up at such an hour.”

“Hey to you too,” Todd groans back, apparently unaware of Dirk’s uncomfortable blush, “Please tell me you made coffee.”

Dirk places the full cup in Todd’s hands with a smile, “Trust me a little more, Todd, I wouldn’t wake you up without an offering of caffeine.”

As soon as the cup is in his possession, Todd takes a sip of his coffee and hums, he’s almost glowing with delight and it’s such a pleasant sight that Dirk can’t stop smiling.

“What are you doing here so early?” Todd asks with half of his face hidden behind his cup, “Farah told us she’d pick us up after lunch.”

“I was bored.” Dirk confesses, “And I thought you could use some breakfast.”

“I can always use food, but you should have called me to do the pancakes,” Todd picks one of them up from the plates on the kitchen counter, “They’re burned, Dirk.”

“Only slightly, you can put some maple syrup on it, it’ll be fine.”

“Please don’t put your weird lemon curd on yours,” Todd begs as he sits down to eat, “The texture freaks me out.”

“You’re not the one eating it,” Dirk points out as he takes out the said curd out of the fridge. “And if my eating habits make you so uncomfortable, why do you keep buying jars for me?”

Todd just shrugs, “You like it.” He takes a bite of bacon and coats his pancakes with sugar, “And there’s never anything to eat at your place except party mixes, dried out cookies and Capri-Suns.”

“That’s because no one ever comes to my flat,” Dirk comments without really thinking about it, he’s too busy covering his pancakes to evaluate the weight of his words. “And Bart enjoyed my Capri-Suns and party mixes, thank you very much.”

“Bart came to visit?” Todd frowns, “When was that? You didn’t say anything.”

Dirk drops his spoon in the jar of lemon curd, it’s his own fault really, he’s the one who mentioned Bart just to prove to Todd that he isn’t a lost cause when it comes to housekeeping, and now he’s left with a thousand secrets and no way out. He can’t possibly explain why Bart came to see him without disclosing what the Universe has in store for them and that’s impossible, he’d rather die than put such a burden on Todd’s shoulders. Right now, the Universe hasn’t played its cards, Todd hasn’t been put in danger yet and once this case is solved, Dirk will take with him all the menace of their lives. He can’t tell Todd anything, not now, he’ll just have to wait a little more.

But it means that Dirk needs to come up with a lie, again, right now or Todd is going to notice that something is extremely wrong, he’s a detective after all.

“She was in Blackwing for a while,“ Dirk starts because every good lie comes from the truth, “Her friend Ken, the one who shot me before I went back to Wendimoor with Francis, he was the one leading Blackwing.”

“Did he capture her?” Todd asks and it’s almost sweet how he’s truly worried for Bart, a holistic and unkillable assassin. 

Dirk shakes his head, “No, not exactly. She went there willingly.”

“Why would she do such a thing? From the way you describe it, that place is basically hell.”

“It was,” Dirk whispers, the memories of his time there making his voice fragile around the edges, “It’s the worse place on Earth.” 

“Then why would she go there? It doesn’t make any sense.” Todd’s almost sulking and it shouldn’t be cute, he’s a grown man, but it is.

“For people like Bart, Blackwing isn’t the worse place they could be locked in.” Dirk tries, he doesn’t want to imagine Bart all alone in a large cell, left in complete darkness while scientists observe her from their comfortable chairs. He doesn’t want to think of Bart in such a vulnerable state, even when she scared him to death, he was admirative of her strength and fighting spirit, the image of her in an almost vegetative state makes him shiver. “Bart went to Wendimoor with Panto while we were fighting Suzie Boreton.” He sits down next to Todd, their legs touching, “Before I brought Francis back, everyone in Wendimoor was killed by the Mage’s army. Everyone died, except for Bart.”

“My god,” Todd murmured, “Talk about trauma.”

“She said that she gave up then.” Dirk continues, “She had just lost one of the only people who genuinely liked her, so she picked up a chainsaw and killed them all.” Bart had talked of the hot blood drenching her from head to toe, how clammy it had all felt. She had talked about how Francis had found her, sitting on a pile of corpses, flies going in circles around her as the blood on her hands slowly dried and chipped away.

“Francis told her that she could stay, that he would make it all better, but she said no.” Dirk takes a sip of his tea to put back some moisture on his tongue. “She asked him to sent her to Blackwing because she believed that it was the only place where she wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone.”

“But, it wasn’t her fault that Panto died.” Todd states, a little dumbfounded, coffee mug in hand, “She couldn’t stop it, she’s not superhuman.”

“I think you and I both know that sometimes guilt is not based on rational thinking.”

There’s something that passes between them, Dirk wouldn’t describe it as electricity since that did pass through them once and the feeling wasn’t very pleasant, but it’s clearly powerful and made of some sort of unspeakable energy that Dirk has only ever felt when he was close to Todd. He could lie to himself and say he doesn’t know what he feels, he could fake it, he’s done it before. When Todd and he talked at the Sheriff’s station, that one time where Todd tried to sound British and failed terribly, Dirk felt something stir in his guts like a snake twisting, turning and trying to escape. Then Todd had smiled slightly, just a small grin, and the world around them had stopped. Dirk had felt the same energy as today and he’s quite certain that if Tina hadn’t interrupted them, they might have acted on said feelings.

Because there are feelings between them, it’s evident, even if they never talk about it. And they’re not new, Dirk remembers clearly falling for Todd slowly but surely as they moved through Patrick Spring’s death maze. He knows that Todd started seeing him in another light as the dug up the time machine and he knows that his deception with the time loop had made Todd question their blooming friendship as well as the deeper, still uncertain, parts of their relationship. In a way, he knows he’s the one who blew it and he hadn’t really expected Todd to believe in him again. Todd isn’t a trusting person, it’s maybe because he never really counted on anyone to help but Dirk personally thinks it’s because Todd doesn’t even trust himself. 

Which means that when Suzie Boreton enchanted them all at the Sound Of Silence, Dirk hadn’t dared to wish for anything regarding them, they were friends, Todd had looked for him and that was enough, Dirk would make it enough. But Todd had kissed him, he had cupped Dirk’s face with his hands before pressing small kisses on his open mouth. It had made Dirk’s brain shortcircuit, he had closed his mouth, more as a reflex then has a rejection, but Todd had stepped away and looked at him with the biggest of eyes.

“I don’t want to scare you,” Todd had said, his voice had been like warm honey, reminding Dirk of cold mornings and cups of milk tea, of home and happiness, “But I like you.”

“I like you too,” Dirk had replied, eyes a little wet, “I like  _ like  _ you too.”

Todd had smiled and Dirk’s heart had missed a beat. “Good, because I think I’ve wanted to kiss you since you told me to stop my bullshit in the woods. And I’ve been thinking about it a lot since we found you again.”

“You kissed Farah.” Dirk had pointed out, a little bitterly. “You wanted to kiss Farah too.”

Todd had shrugged, but his smile hadn’t left his lips. “Yeah, that’s true, but not in the same way I want to kiss you.” 

Dirk had wrapped his arms around Todd’s neck, “How do you want to kiss me?”

He had been afraid, he remembers, and Todd’s answer hadn’t reassured him, it had only confused him more. “Like I mean it,” Todd had whispered against his lips and that had been the last thing Dirk recalled of the night.

That memory, those words and those kisses, now it levitates in the air between them like gigantic banners in neon colours. It’s obvious, it’s right there, they both know and see it, they can’t miss it even if they try but they act as if they’re blind. 

Dirk hates it, he despises that about both of them, their cowardice when it comes to their feelings. But he’s grateful for it too, in a way, because if their relationship had evolved any more, it would have been too difficult to leave Todd behind, it would have been like chopping off a limb and walking to the other side of the Earth with a gaping wound. As they stand now, the pain of leaving Todd will be excruciating, but in the end, it will pass, or at least, Dirk hopes it will.

But he doesn’t want to focus on that right now, on them and on what the future holds, they have a killer to catch and a woman to absolve. And yes, a breakfast to eat.

“All of my guilt is very much based on rational thinking,” Todd says, he’s smiling but it doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “And deserved.”

Dirk ignores the sadness that overtakes him and smiles back, hidden slightly behind his mug, “You know what I think about that.”

“That it’s a load of bullshit, yes, I know.” They don’t speak for a moment, both drinking and eating in total silence except for the sound of their forks scraping their plates. It’s almost peaceful, but as always, it never lasts between them.

Todd’s phone starts chiming, it’s Farah’s ringtone, Dirk doesn’t know the song but he remembers that Todd chose it while Farah was there and she had punched his arm with a smile, so Dirk guesses that it’s somehow meaningful, or at least it’s a tune Farah rather enjoys.

Todd picks up almost immediately, he’s still chewing a piece of pancake when he greets Farah and Dirk can hear her tease him on his manners. Todd rolls his eyes, which is useless because the only one who can see it is Dirk who snorts into his cup of tea, making Todd smile.

“Yeah, he’s here with me.” The other man says, “We’re eating pancakes.”

Farah must say something about sugar and healthy breakfasts because Todd rolls his eyes again, “Yes,  _ mom _ , I know.”

“Tell her we had blueberries with it,” Dirk lies, hoping Farah will hear him.

“Dirk says we had blueberries with the pancakes,” Todd stops, then sighs, “Yeah, I haven’t bought blueberries in a month, we all know this, but it was worth a try. So, you probably didn’t call for the breakfast conversation, what’s up?”

There are a few seconds of attentive silence where Todd listens and Dirk tries to pick up what Farah is saying from his seat in the kitchen by almost laying on the table that separates him from the phone.

Todd frowns, that special frown that means he’s actually upset, not angry, but annoyed and slightly disappointed. He’s chewing on his bottom lip every time he replies to Farah with a non-committal low groan, it would be somehow attractive, the dark scowl and cherry bit lips if he didn’t look so very sad.

“I didn’t know they had closed,” Todd finally says, his voice isn’t shaking, but there are emotions behind those few words, “The last time I went there was years ago, Farah, I didn’t really keep in touch with  _ every  _ owner of  _ every  _ bar I played at.”

Dirk cocks his head to the side, very much so like a confused puppy and Todd stares at him with the beginning of the smile that tells Dirk that he’s going to be kept in the loop once Farah is satisfied with Todd’s answers.

“I still think we should go,” Todd picks his coffee mug and takes a sip before continuing, “Especially if it’s a MaravillTacos now, I mean, the universe is pretty much screaming at us that  _ everything is connected _ at this point.”

Dirk’s face falls at the mention of the Universe, if Farah hadn’t called them, he would have almost forgotten the threat that loomed over Todd’s head, but can the Universe really blame him? With Todd, he seems to forget anything that isn’t pure and unaltered amusement. Todd has that power of him, this fantastic ability to make him forget his tormented past, his dangerous present and unsure future. Dirk guesses that it must be the usual consequence of being in love and now, it all has to end. Bitterness doesn’t begin to describe what Dirk is feeling right now.

Unaware of Dirk’s tumultuous thoughts, Todd finishes his conversation with Farah and swallows his last pancake in one bite. There’s syrup on the corner of his lips and the only thing Dirk can think of is  _ sweet red lips that I’ll never kiss again _ , he doesn’t say it out loud but he supposes that Todd must notice how he’s staring because he quickly wipes his mouth on his naked arm then makes a disgusted face.

“I’m going to go take a shower, put on some clothes and then we’re leaving.”

Dirk is almost proud of himself for not making a disappointed noise at the thought of a dressed Todd, “And where are we going?”

“To the bar we talked about, it’s a MaravillTacos restaurant now.” 

Dirk’s grin comes naturally, “Now what a strange  _ coincidence _ .” He croons as he finishes his breakfast.

Todd only rolls his eyes in response.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://starryspice.tumblr.com/)


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